Beauty Facing the Beast
by EmbryStarr
Summary: Following the story line of ACOMAF, Feyre is back in the dangerous clutches of Tamlin after he has searched for her for so long. Thinking that his pity will be his weak point, Feyre will soon come to find that she might be more of a prisoner than she was last time. Maybe Tamlin is more suspicious of her than she thought he was. T for language and possible situations later on
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

I'm Back

The crunch of the gravel beneath my feet made my stomach lurch. The recognizance of everything before me made me want to curl up into a ball and pretend I was just sitting on the floor in Rhy's home in Velaris. That I had a hot mug of tea nearby that Mor had just made, while Az, Cass and my mate were out training. I wanted to at least close my eyes and stop, take a deep breath and at leat take a moment to collect my thoughts; remind myself why I am here, what it was worth in this risk I had just taken. But no. I was holding on tightly to the hand of the one being on this earth that I would pay anything just to forget had ever existed; pretending that I had just awoken from some hellish nightmare... some Curse, and now that my sight was clear, I was once again madly in love with him.

I had to gulp down the acids in my stomach that threatened to rise up at the very thought. I blinked away the brightness from the sun shining down on the Spring Courts Manor before me. Everything I saw and recognized made me want to turn away in fear just at the sight of it all. Everything that happened here last time will forever leave a scar upon my life. What I let myself fall down into was a shame I would never forget. I thought I would be rid of this. That somehow, I would never have to face Tamlin again, let alone be here again, with him, pretending that all was now right with the world.

The only good thing I had going for me at the moment was that at least I could allow my facial features to remain solemn at best, it would just seem that I was still 'in shock' at what I had just 'escaped'. Thank Cauldron I could remain in this state for quite some time and get away with the fact that I was trying to get over the occurrences that had happened to me during my time with Rhys. Because I will be trying to get over those occurrences... but not the ones that they may be led to assume happened. Cassian and his wings. My sisters. Azriel... My Mate. The sudden dangerously low hourglass that was almost up during this time of so called peace between our continent and Hybern. Everything was about to be put into turmoil... and that was why I was here. To save my court. To save this continent. My friends and Rhys. To make sure what was done to my sisters would be avenged. But, above all, in an extremely selfish way, what made it the most worth while would be destroying HIM.

The sunlight flashed brilliantly down upon the head of the Lord of the Spring court leading the way in front of me, holding just as tightly to my hand in return. He looked back at me with pity and longing in his eyes. I wanted to rip them out. How could someone be so ignorant and self-absorbed that they convinced themselves the entire time I was gone, after what he had done to me, that I was still madly in love with him as I once was? That everything he had put me through, everything I had to recover from, all that hiding from him and my very own mating bond with Rhys, he STILL was trying to 'save' me? To protect me, and love me in some warped thinking that I still loved him in return. I never loved him. And I realized it at this very moment. I never loved him, I needed him, I admired him, and he gave me what I needed for a small moment and indulged in my admiration.

But if it weren't for his ignorance, I wouldn't be here right now. Walking right into the manor of the High Lord who I personally made it my life goal to destroy in every possible way. If it weren't for his idiocy, my plan wouldn't ever be possible. Sadly, he was the only one with this ignorance. I glanced back at the person stalking behind us, his red hair a bit mussed from his struggle to get to his newly acclaimed mate; my sister, Elaine. I hated the thought. He wasn't good enough for her. But at this time, it didn't matter. I could see the obvious suspicion in his eyes as he glared at me. He knew that I was up to something, and I honestly didn't care just as long as Tamlin paid more attention to me than him.

We walked through the Foyer into the hall and it took everything I had to keep from staring at the walls, the door frames, the poor paintings that I used to look at with marvel every day when I was human. Everything was in tatters. Claw marks, thick gouges ripped out of the mahogany wood that lined the entryways, remnants of broken tables that used to hold beautiful vases of fresh flowers were littered across the floor. I could tell that this had happened recently, and was currently in the attempts of being cleaned. But the walls, the paintings, those had been that way for a while. I couldn't help but shiver in the wondering of how many temper tantrums did he throw... was each scar upon the once beautiful walls all simultaneous or was each one separate in their own time?

I wanted to pull my hand away from his and back away in horror at what he had done in response to not getting what he wanted. He was a child. A reckless, selfish, blind child. It took everything I had to refrain from looking at him in disgust. No, I had to remain the emotionally unstable, weak little girl who just went through months of traumatic experiences. This was supposed to feel like home to me. But it didn't. It was a prison that I had escaped from. Literally. I glanced at the spot on the floor where I had fallen and curled up, the blackness surrounding me as any ounce of hope I had remaining fled my body when I realized that shield had been put up.

 _Calm down!_ I had to tell myself. I have only been here less than a few minutes and already my powers were wanting to rise up in defense to the high emotions roiling through me. I knew what I was doing when I made the decision in the throne room of the King of Hyberns palace, and I know what I am doing now. I am here on a mission. I can't let myself cower just from seeing things that brought back memories. I needed to remember –

"- Staying in my room for a while until I feel that you will be stable enough to sleep on your own. I think it would also be best to continue with having guards with you when you feel well enough to wander around on your own; that bastard could try to do something reckless again."

Everything went blank as his words broke through my barrage of thoughts and emotions. Stay in his room? No... No. That wasn't supposed to happen yet. If he was thinking correctly he should let me stay in my own room because he should assume that my instability is due to what Rhys had possibly done to me... Wait!

Then I did pull my hand out of his grasp. I stopped altogether, holding my hand to my chest as if it had been burned. My emotions were taking over before I could pull my thoughts together.

"No."

Tamlin halted and whirled on me as soon as my hand was no longer in his hand, a look of slight surprise on his haunted features. "Feyre..." His tone had a slight warning to it.

I was biting the inside of my cheek so hard I could feel blood beginning to draw. _Think. Think on how you should say this without drawing suspicion._

"Tam... I don't want to stay in your room. I... want to be alone for a while. I need to be by myself and sort things out in my own time and to be honest... I would not be comfortable sharing the same room with a man right now. Even you..."

I squeezed my eyes shut for a minute, praying that there would be something in his heart of stone that would flicker for me. I hated pity but it was the only thing keeping my afloat right now. It was the only thing that got me here and I needed to draw it out as much as possible in order to keep him blind. I hated implying that Rhys would ever do such a thing to me but he already thought it and it was what made him act more than think. I needed him to keep from thinking.

"Feyre..." he said again, this time his tone was quiet, more backed down. "Do you understand why I want you with me? I am here to keep you safe. I would never do what he did..."

 _Shit. He is still pushing for it. Push back._

"I know that, but... I can't help it, Tam. Please, I'm sorry." I bowed my head, letting my hair cover my eyes, pretending that I was some broken doll that needed time to heal it. I heard a slight sigh from behind me, Lucien was probably putting his face in his hand, squeezing the bridge of his nose at the sight of my terrible performance, no doubt.

I could feel the tension in the room begin to rise as silence grew deafening. Tamlin was trying to decide on whether to already start an argument and it hadn't even been five minutes since my arrival back. After a few more moments, he sighed.

"I hate to do this, Feyre. But, no. "

My head snapped up, surprise already alighting on my face before I could stop it. This was new. His face was cold. Defiant. His arms were crossed and his shoulders squared back, looking straight at me with no admonition in his eyes.

"Why... why can't you just let me be by myself? I need my own space, Tamlin. You really cannot understand why? Or... or do you not even care to understand? Like last time..."

Lucien sucked in a breath behind me, and stepped forward as Tamlins eyes darkened in response, already with a quick response on his tongue.

"Tamlin, let her have her own room until everything is calmed down. We have been searching for her for months with no idea what they might have been doing to her, what she might have allowed to be done since he was her mate. I suggest that you be a little more fair for now. I know you wish to protect her and you think it's for her own good, but try to see it from her side of things." Lucien was standing in front of me, the scent of worn leather and polished metal coming off of him in waves. I couldn't understand why he was defending me now, especially since he was at least suspicious of my actions.

I could hear a snarl come from over his shoulder as Tamlin stepped toward him, his gaze turning to impatience and fury. "And if he arrives in the night? Somehow breaks through my barriers again? What if he takes her again, Lucien? What will you have to answer for?"

I went very still. I didn't know this was going to be such an issue right upon my arrival here. Already the tension was high, I was hoping he would approach me with some care and worry in what he thought I had gone through. Instead he was almost in his beast form already, wanting to lock me away in his bedroom. Maybe this was going to be even more difficult than I thought...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Not a Tower, a Dungeon

I had a cold, creeping sensation trickle from the top of my spine and move downwards as I heard Tamlin's voice rise in anger towards Luciens attempt to keep the situation calm. It really was as if I had never left. I could feel the tears pricking at the corners of my eyelids before I could even attempt to rear in the pain that came flying into my chest from some unseen force. My hands began to tremble as I clenched them into tight fists.

"- it will be different this time. I will not be taking your so called 'advice' into account any further. I should have done this from the beginning." Tamlins voice was resolute in a way that made the room almost shudder with silence.

"You still have no idea... how can you possibly be so blind to others pain? The people around you that you hurt... do you even know WHY I left? Did you ever read the letter I sent you months ago?" My voice was faint but Lucien turned around, the whites of his eyes flashing, trying to signal me to back down but it was too late. This wasn't what I had planned and this was spinning out of control at a dangerously rapid speed, yet at the same time, I wasn't planning on being locked away in the bedroom of the Fae male who made my life a living hell right upon arrival. I was meant to be charming him, working my way through the house, listening to conversations and plans and using Tamlin's pity for me as a key to the secrets that I would then pass onto my Mate, the High Lord of the Night Court. Dammit _!_ I squeezed my eyes shut, ready for the words about to escape from Tamlin's mouth.

"What the hell are you on about? Yes, I read your damn letter that was obviously forged by that bastard of the Night Court. Feyre, you can't expect me to believe you wrote that. Even if you did, you were under his control the entire time. He could have told you to dance for him and you would..." He paused for a moment as some small moment of clarity broke through. "You don't mean to say that you wrote that of your own volition... You meant that?"

I wrapped my arms around my waist tightly, looking away. "Forget the letter, Tamlin. Answer my first question." I looked back to him, knowing the tears in my eyes were making me seem pathetic and childish but I didn't care.

"Do you really not understand what you did to me?"

Lucien stepped off to the side even further, giving me full reign. He was looking at me with what seemed like an extremely pained expression; if I could have guessed, it seemed like it might be guilt. He ran his fingers through his red hair exasperatedly , obviously trying to decide what he should do now that I confronted Tamlin full on with a question that would be hard to just brush off.

It wasn't Lucien that I was focusing on now though; I was staring right into the brilliantly blue, yet extremely cold emotionless eyes of the male before me. His arms were at his sides but his fists were clenched as well, brows furrowed together as if someone had just asked him for the answer to an impossibly difficult question, a familiar show of annoyance on his tightened lips.

"I know... " He sighed and flexed a muscle in his jaw. "... I know that before you were taken, we had some arguments. And you weren't very happy with my refraining you from your usual freedoms. But, Feyre, you have to understand my reasoning behind it all? I told you time and time again, you had to be kept safe so as to keep you from being taken from me."

As he spoke, his eyes became stormy upon voicing the memories and he suddenly took less than a few steps towards me, taking hold of my forearm tightly, squeezing as he spoke the next sentence. I tried to pull away but he just pulled me against him, his chest pressed against mine as his fangs were suddenly being bared in my face.

"But it wasn't enough. You were still taken and look at you! Look at what he has done!" His hot breath blasted onto my cheeks as he gestured with his eyes towards my fighting leathers, the clothes that I had been in for a while now; before everything went to hell.

At first I wanted to cower. I wanted to fall to my knees and bow my head to keep him from yelling any further but then I realized that I was no longer that girl. I had the power to destroy an entire city if I wished. I knew it was there, under my skin, lying in wait. So I bared my fangs in return, getting even closer to his face, my free hand pressed against his chest, wishing I could squeeze the rotten stone heart right from his chest.

"Don't you think it would have been smarter to TRAIN me? To teach me to fight and protect myself in case I WAS in danger Tamlin?" The anger in my heart began to pour out into words as more tears began to pour down my face. Lucien was remaining eerily silent.

"No, you never saw me as a being who could fight and protect herself. I was just some weak pathetic pet, a trophy that you saw to keep unmarred so you kept it by your side in a pretty little dress to speak pretty little words. I am nothing more than a belonging in your eyes Tamlin and that is all I will ever be to you." My chest was heaving now, forcing myself to maintain eye contact with him even though he was so close and my throat wanted to let a sob escape. I was about to burst.

"But I know how to fight now. I know how to take care of myself enough to where I will NEVER need to depend on you or anyone again. And you know who helped me back up after you locked me in this hellhole? Rhys-"

The first thing I heard was the crack that broke the silence of the room. Then I was flying to the floor, sprawling as my shoulder jarred violently against the intricate rug that did nothing to relieve my fall. The colors from the light flying in through the windows mixed and blurred with the walls of the room as a shout was exclaimed and then a snarl in response before the doors behind me flew open and before I could even begin to push myself up off the floor two pairs of arms reached under my own and lifted me up, holding tightly.

"You're still confused. Maybe you will wake up after having some time by yourself. You were right, my room won't do for now. You need to be alone with your thoughts."

 _He..._ I put a hand to my lower jaw, the pain already beginning to ebb outwards, sharp waves of pain heating my face. _He hit me..._

I raised my head and looked at the creature I could not believe I once adored. What I saw before me was a monster. He dusted himself off as if he had just had a slight break in composure, but now his face was neutral, devoid of any of the anger he was showing before. He glanced at me briefly before beginning to walk past me.

A gasp escaped my throat... wait... not a gasp. An awful, wracking sob had somehow forced it's way out. _What is this..._ Before I could close my throat an even bigger one came lurching out.

"Feyre..." I heard a whisper that came from behind where Tamlin had been standing.

I knew Lucien was staring at me. I didn't want his pity. I fucked up. This wasn't what was supposed to have happened. _Shit! But I didn't know he would be this way!_ I felt a flashing tremor of panic and worry stutter through the bond that Rhys and I shared. He knew something had happened. I tried to conjure up the vague emotion of reassurance that I was okay but it puttered out quickly. I was already being led towards the end of the hall, a guard with a face of stone opening the door that lead downstairs. I was still sobbing, but I began to kick and scream, Tamlins disgusting name leaving my throat. Darkness from the shadows of the downward slope of steps began to consume me as I kicked harder, the hands only tightening their grip on me. _Shit... this is going to be a lot harder than I thought._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Keep the Light On

It had been three days. My only indicator being the light shining in through the excuse for a window in the back of my "temporary room" as Lucien liked to call it. Tamlin hadn't visited once, which in my opinion, was a plus. Sadly, it was the only positive thing I could come up with. For the first several hours after I had been shoved into the cell, I bawled. Something inside of me was so close to shattering that if it hadn't been for the reassurance running down the mating bond in huge repetitive waves, I might not have been able to get back up off the floor at all. But after the shaking and the tears subsided, I began to feel a familiar and Cauldron blessed emotion; one that should have never left. Anger.

I was furious. Not mainly at myself; although, I had scolded myself internally time and time again for losing control, but one thing that I did not regret was allowing Tamlin to think he could already share a room with me and that that was okay even though I didn't want to. No, I was livid with The Asshole himself. The reasons were obvious and every time I thought about even one of them, it had me pacing back and forth in the cell like a prowling cat.

I was even more hurt than I thought I could possibly be at the betrayal in the lack of Lucien's actions. Yes, he will protest, he even stood in the way for a moment; but he LET Tamlin get past him. He LET him grab hold of me. He allowed that monster to ….

I touched my jaw instantly, feeling the bruise that lined the entire bottom of my right cheek. Every time I thought about it, every time it throbbed, I would get a painful flutter of helplessness and sickening disgust in my heart. Disgust at myself for feeling shame... for wanting to hide it. The first few times a guard would come down to give me a meal, I turned away and waited until they left. Not because I didn't want to see them but because I didn't want them to see me... I didn't have a mirror in this room, only a small cot in the corner with well-worn blankets and a stained pillow. Along with a sink and an embarrassingly out-in-the-open toilet shoved in the opposite back corner; but I knew the bruise was bad. I was sure it looked like someone put a huge blossoming splotch of ink just beneath my skin that slowly spread outward.

After clenching my teeth together and squeezing my eyes shut as the guard left on the beginning of the second day alone in this shithole, my anger grew even further. This isn't something I should be ashamed of. This is something HE should be ashamed of. Let the entire damned Spring Court see what their 'ever-loving, gentle' High Lord did to the woman he so desperately claims to love. So, the next time I heard the guard clopping down the stairs I stood straight and tall, chin held high and I held eye contact with him whenever he glanced my way as he took my previous plate and cutlery, replacing it with a new one.

I couldn't help but smirk when I saw his eyes involuntarily widen, even going to far as to flinch a little and quickly look away upon the sight of my face. He knew what happened. He was one of the ones who dragged me down here upon Tamlin's orders. His face seemed somewhat familiar but for the life of me I could not remember his name. It seemed that my mind attempted to smear away every memory of this place so well, that only a few names jumped to mind when I tried to remember the staff I once knew so well here. I remember Alis; she saved me. The only one in this Cauldron-saken place who cared enough to step in. I remember Ianthe. The conniving, malicious little bitch with obvious hidden plans. What she tried to do to Rhys so long ago still made a snarl escape my throat with a hot fury. I couldn't imagine what kind of hell she might have put Lucien through while I had been gone... maybe she gave up on him... hopefully.

I actually found it just as hard to think about Lucien as it was Tamlin. But instead of such a strong hatred for Lucien, it was a mix of different emotions. Pity, for what he has gone through for so long. Regret, because I feel like our friendship was worth so much before he... I sighed and leaned my back against the nearest wall, sliding down to the floor with a helpless thunk.

I needed a bath. A long, warm, scented bath that I could soak in for an hour with my eyes closed, letting the dirt on my body go down the drain along with the stress that had been building in me upon my arrival. But the guard never mentioned getting clean so I didn't ask. This was a punishment and I now knew exactly where I stood with Tamlin. I was a prisoner right before I was taken away from here, but now it isn't so well masked this time. Somehow, while I had been gone, whether through Ianthe or the King of Hybern whispering in his ear, he planned this part out too. He knew once he got me, that there was at least a good chance I wasn't going to be the meek little human girl he once knew. Not even the pathetic fae woman who graced his bedsheets before she was taken away by an evil High Lord of the Night Court.

The question was this: What exactly did Tamlin have planned for me, other than renting out my powers to the King? He obviously didn't like that part; even I could see it in his eyes and facial expressions as soon as the King had spoken the words out loud that I was now a pawn and it was a part of the deal in which they made that if Tamlin wanted me back, he had to give them something in return. Me. A weapon. Fuck that.

I gritted my teeth and put my face in my hands, my tangled, dirty hair falling down to cover my face as I tried to keep myself sane. But before I had the chance to even take a deep calming breath, the door to the basement opened up and someone was walking down the stairs. I knew immediately upon the timing and the sound of softer stepping footwear that it wasn't the guard. I stood up and walked to the center of the room, well enough away from the bars to keep out of arms reach. I knew that if it was Tamlin and he wanted into the cell, stepping away from the bars would do nothing. But still, it felt like a barrier for a moment. My heartbeat quickened and my adrenaline spiked, trying to ready myself for the worst but as soon as I saw that flash of red hair resting on a leather clad chest, my muscles loosened immediately.

"What the hell do you want? Here to let me know that it's all my fault I am down here? Or maybe you are playing messenger boy for your master." I couldn't help but feel a flash of rage when I saw his solemn features. A few moments ago I was beginning to feel a little sorry for him but now upon seeing him, my fangs were already baring at him in caution.

He stopped right in front of the cell, facing me full on with his arms crossed but I could tell by the muscle tightening in his jaw and the flex of his fists, he didn't want to be down here looking at me. I saw his eyes immediately wander to my cheek and suddenly his shoulders drooped; the facade suddenly dropping like shattered glass. "I'm here to inform you that this evening you will be taken up to bathe, and then you will be joining us for dinner."

I took a sharp intake of breath, but before I could even let out my first word, he held his hand up. "Depending on your actions and choice of words, it will be decided if you seem capable enough to have your old room back or if you will be spending more time here." I glared and crossed my arms, reflecting his stance. I knew to choose my words wisely but I allowed myself a little more freedom as this was Lucien I was talking to, not Tamlin and I had a strong feeling that Lucien wouldn't repeat my exact words. Even if he did, I am sure it wouldn't change what was planned out for me for this evening.

"Why dinner." It wasn't even a question, it was a demand. And I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud to keep the shaking out of my voice, trying to sound like the High Lady I was.

Lucien cocked an eyebrow at me, pursing his lips before shaking his head and already beginning to turn away. As soon as he started to turn I was pressed against the bars, a sudden panic in me taking full force out of nowhere. "Lucien, wait."

He paused, not turning around, but waiting tersely.

"Please... at least..." My lower lip began to tremble as realization began to go through me in waves that within a few hours I was going to be sitting at that damned table as I had so many times, but this time it was with a stone-hearted monster. After a pause, I continued. "Lucien... what is he planning? Why is he.. am I ..." I couldn't finish. I didn't know so many questions would jumble together on my tongue. I growled out a mumbled "never mind" before letting my hands drop from the bars uselessly at my sides. I shouldn't be asking him these things. He wasn't the friend I thought he was. I knew I was going to be alone in this.

After a long moment of silence, I heard a gruff sigh before Lucien turned around, facing me once more. "If you make it through dinner... don't turn your light off."

My head shot up, obvious confusion furrowing on my brow.

He turned away again, with a wave of his arm. "Keep the light in your room on, Feyre. As long as that light is on, I will know he won't be in your room. But if it goes off, I will interfere."

The air in my throat caught. He thought Tamlin would try to pounce that quickly? "Every night?" Confusion was still blasting through me, along with something else that almost felt like gratitude. "Wait... how will you know the light is on or off?"

He stopped at the stairs, turning one last time. "Every night." Then a wink and a small smile of reassurance flicked across his features, shocking me even further. "Not telling."

With that, he was up the stairs and gone, leaving me with nothing but apprehension for what was to come. I needed to begin to mentally prepare for what would probably be the absolute WORST dinner of my life.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Preparations

It wasn't more than a few hours later as the light began to get that evening gleam to it that the door opened up once again, and not one, but two pairs of boots stomped down the little set of stairs. Two guards approached, and I backed away a bit as they opened the door swiftly and ushered me out. I could tell that one of them was prepared for me to fight, but the other one who seemed to be in charge gave off an air of boredom; as if he could be somewhere else, doing something more worth his time. I huffed at them for a moment before finally stepping forward, holding my chin up high. The less troubled of the two took my by my elbow almost as if he were my escort to a ball, while the other trailed behind us in the back, with his weapon clutched tightly at the ready.

I was inwardly praying that I wouldn't see Tamlin until the 'dinner' and thank the Cauldron, the halls appeared to be empty other than the random maid bustling about. It seemed that everything was almost completely cleaned up other than several large gashes in one of the walls to my right that two servants were both attempting to cover with a beautifully large painting of lilac trees lining a trail that led off into some faraway distance.

It made my chest pang in longing for a moment. As if I could climb into that painting myself and run down the path, leaving this place once again but this time it would be final. If I ever returned it would be Rhys and I marching on war horses into battle against the Spring Court, and ultimately, Hybern. A gentle tug at my arm had me pulled out of the small glimpse of hope before my eyes as I subconsciously slowed down to run my eyes over the masterpiece. I hadn't seen it before and I wondered who had painted it and how long ago before the brush touched the board.

I was led upstairs to the largest bathrooms in one of the guest suites where an unfamiliar face came into view from behind the door as it opened to greet me. The guards behind me immediately turned and left as I faced the mysterious woman before me. She was lithe and beautiful, with strong yet dainty arms that I could tell had been used for vicious cleaning. Her hair was tied neatly behind her head, where not a single hair fell astray. Her complexion was as dark and as beautiful as the night and I couldn't help but ask myself why Tamlin would allow someone who really seemed to belong to the Night Court into his home. The Spring Court mostly had fair-skinned fae, unless they were the ones who lived in the forests and streams. There, their skins could be from any color of gray all the way to the palest of pinks.

Her eyes were even darker than her skin and there was a slight twinkle in them that reeked of mischief. I stared at her, as she stared at me, a towel bound up in her hands tightly as she wiped water off her upper arms not a moment ago. The smell of the bathroom behind her wafted out to greet me and I could not help but feel my muscles in my shoulders and neck already beginning to loosen as the scents of fresh mint and eucalyptus filled my senses. Even though she was beautiful and made me incredibly curious as to how she got here, the one question on my tongue escaped in a murmur before I could silence it.

"Where is Alis?"

The only person in this Cauldron-forsaken place who had the guts to step forward and rescue me before I fell into a place I could no longer return from hadn't been in sight since my arrival and I couldn't help but begin to worry more and more, wondering if Tamlin somehow found out. If someone saw what she did and tattled. This woman standing before me made me even more nervous now. And as her eyes dulled a bit, and her hands fell lax at her sides, I knew before the words even left her full lips.

"She is gone. Not long after your...departure, she went missing."

Even though it was something I tried to prepare myself for, even not long after I arrived at Rhys's estate upon the mountain, I told myself that there was a slim chance she would get away with it. That the choice she made was a death sentence.

I could feel my lips tighten as I held in the shaky breaths that would give way to sobs. I had done enough crying. If anything, this was even more reason as to why Tamlin had to be destroyed. Why this entire court had to be gutted. And it was up to me to do it.

"I'm so sorry, darlin'" She said softly, and beckoned me into the bathroom, opening the door and stepping to the side.

I felt a familiar numbness take hold as I stepped past her into the monstrosity of a tub was in the center of the room, big enough to fit four people comfortably. A little set of steps led up into the steaming pool, and another set on the inside so I could stand with the water almost up to my shoulder, or sit on the ledge at the side, with it halfway up my neck. A memory shivered up my spine as I stepped in, remembering the first time I discovered the bathing pool and using that same night with Tamlin. We were in here for hours...

I pushed back the nausea as the maid came up to the opposite side of the pool and poured in a bowl of oils and dried herbs and flowers, making the already sweetly scented pool smell even better. She had on a simple pale green dress that tied at the back with a white apron over it to keep and splashing more minimal if it got on the front of her. Her sleeves were rolled up high as she used a long wooden spoon thing to stir in the herbs and oils thoroughly.

I noticed that my clothes I had dumped on the floor were already gone and would probably be burned by Tamlin himself. I saw the way his eyes flashed when he saw me in the Ilyrian fighting leathers. Anything from now on that reminded him of what happened would be snuffed out like a flame, with only the traces of smoke left behind.

"I've never seen you before.." I began to try to distract myself by getting to know who I presumed was now my new handmaiden since Alis was gone."What's your name?"

The woman looked up at me with a warm smile and spoke as she turned away to a marbled counter and sink, grabbing handfuls of mysterious glass bottles with colors varying from honeyed ember, warm peach and dark plum.

"My name is Emissa, my lady. And yes, " She turned back around, gracefully sweeping over to me and placing the bottles down one by one as if in a line of order. "I have been serving the Spring court for a couple months now." I stared at her half lidded, the scents in the bath beginning to make the weariness of the past few days break over me like a warm, soothing wave. She stood back with her hands on her hips and motioned for me to duck under the water.

I quickly did as she instructed and as soon as I came back up, her hand was on my shoulder, guiding me over to where she stood, sitting me down on the ledge beneath the water so my back was facing her, then began to pour two of the bottles contents over my head and beginning to lather my hair rather roughly. Alis never did this. I could wash my own hair. She only came in after I had gotten out and dried off to help my into some usually silly over-complicated dress, then arranged my hair and sometimes cosmetics. To be honest, this was a bit out of my comfort zone, and I could not help but feel my heart speed up a bit as she almost viciously scrubbed my scalp. But the stuff she used smelled amazing and I could feel my scalp tingling and the strands in my hair smoothing out as her fingers combed downward through the strands to get it all throughout.

"To be honest, I am happy you are finally here. I haven't really had anyone to pamper since my arrival and I think High Lord Tamlin hired me just for this very thing. I am actually rather famous in the town I am from for my hair oils and perfumes and it's been rather sad and lonely, having to help the other members of the house in jobs I am not very accustomed to."

My eyes had closed at some point and I was leaning back as she pushed at me shoulders lightly to have me go under the water once again to rinse out the sweet smelling concoctions. I couldn't lie to myself; I was loving this. The thought of getting out and getting ready to meet the Bastard himself was seeming more easy in my mind as the scents and pampering energized me in some strange way.

"I can see why. In the human world you would be famous from coast to coast. I have two sisters who would pay the worth of all their dresses to get their hands on this stuff..." I trailed off as I spoke of Nesta and Elain. How were they doing? How mad was Nesta right now? I wonder if Elain is even brave enough to have a normal conversation yet...

Emissa handed a scrubbing brush to me with yet more mysterious scented fluids on it and I began to scrub my upper body with vigor. She smiled and gathered up her things as I continued to clean myself. "Well, I will have to pull together some gift packages, won't I?"

I didn't have the heart to explain to her that that would never be possible, so I just nodded and hoped she would forget about it. After I finished cleaning, I very unwillingly climbed out of the heavenly bath and dried myself off. Almost an hour later, I was sitting in front of the vanity as she plucked at the last curl, setting my now soft, glossy and wonderful smelling hair into a work of art. My hair was half up, with an intricate bun at the back, while the bottom half splayed out in tresses almost like a lions mane; the soft waves at the bottom giving off the final flair. My eyes had little winged eyeliner at the edges, while a soft smoky purple pulled the green in my hazel eyes out in a startling way. My lips had a faint golden luster brushed on them and I was in a dress that I surprisingly couldn't bring myself to hate. It was an almost nude color, with a high neckline in lace all throughout it, with only solid cloth covering my chest and pelvis. Little shimmering gold splayed throughout the lace, giving me an air of almost royalty. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a little startled. I looked like a queen... but not the kind of Queen that took orders. One who demanded them. I was beginning to like Emissa more and more. No frilly dainty little dress that showed off my femininity and fragility. No flowers or gobs of unnecessary jewelry planted upon my body like some rutting boils. No. bold. And bare. And demanding.

Emissa let out a chuckle from behind me and murmured in the mirror, catching my eye, "I thought you would like that. It suits you."

A grin began to tug at my lips as I stared right back at her, feeling something I hadn't felt since before we entered Hybern and all hell broke loose. I felt like a High Queen again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Dinner Party"

I walked down the stairs, each step making me feel less and less a vicious Queen and more so a cat caught in a hunters trap. I may have lived here long enough to get to know the staff and my surroundings but this was still Tamlin's turf. One wrong move and I could be thrown back in that dungeon or worse. Not to mention the small little detail that I had no idea when the King of Hybern or Julian were going to show up and the sad fact of it was that if I wasn't on my best behavior with Tamlin from here on out, and he was being 'unfavorable' towards me, when they showed up I wouldn't have even him to stand his ground on the so called conditions they had made for me. A protective Tamlin around Julian or the King was far better then a resentful Tamlin.

"He is your master now. You will obey what he says." The words that the King had spoke not even a week ago still rang in my mind with a pounding resulting in hate and hurt all at once. How could someone truly believe that another being 'belonged' to someone? Even if they were a High Fae or a High Lord. The sad thing was that I knew that in an extremely small way, Tamlin must believe a part of that or else he wouldn't treat me the way that he did. All the way from what transpired Under the Mountain up until this point.

I could feel my shoulders slumping by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs, but quickly straightened them and held my head up high. I knew I looked beautiful, but pose and prowess were what was going to help this gown show that I was not one to be taken as some simpering High Lords pretty little escort. I turned and headed into the dining hall where so many meals had taken place. Most of them rang with laughter, but the ones that truly meant something reeked with bitten tongues and suppressed anger and fear. I wondered if the burn marks from last time I was here, eating with Lucien and Tamlin still marred the table. If they did, they were sure to be covered by a tablecloth or a placement setting. I was so nervous it almost felt similar to the first time I entered this hall and ate with the two lords. That felt like millions and millions of years ago. I had changed so much since then. But the fear was still the same. The caged feeling.

I took my final breath as I stepped beneath the frame of the double doors. The room was bright with candles littered along the wall and along the tables. Not to mention the three chandeliers dangling from the rafters. The room had been remodeled. The table had been replaced, as well as every single chair. The warmth that once filled this room was now laid to waste with the brightness of everything. It felt exposing almost. And why was it so cold even though the fireplace was raging and so many candles were lit?

I heard a deep growl emit from the head of the table, and there sat Tamlin with a look of shock and terrifying longing. It left his eyes almost immediately but I could never forget that look. The one in which I knew my clothes would be ruined before the end of the night. I felt a chill go up my spine as he leaned forward slightly, hands splayed out flat against the table as he worse a fine cloak made up of furs and silks. They were a deep green, making the blue of his eyes seem darker than normal. His hair was half pulled up in a simple bun at the back, his crown resting on his head as if it were naturally attached to his skull at all times. I held his gaze for a few agonizing seconds, stopping at the opposite end of the table as I pulled my chair back. Lucien was nowhere within sight. It made my heart beat in an unnatural rhythm, fear washing through me in an icy wave. I could feel little bouts of comfort running through the mating bond line from Rhys but it was like drops of water beating against a tin roof. I was on my own, and I was in very much danger.

Still holding my head up high, I sat down in my chair with attempted fluid grace. A servant quickly appeared from the shadows and had my setting placed before I could even say a thank you, they were gone. In the back of my mind, I was glad that the High Lord didn't have a setting already made for me by his side, or even a single seat closer to him. I would then have had to decide if I wanted to sit closer, or put him in the position of possibly raging if I refused the seat and sat where I willed. I liked this a lot better. One head of the table facing off with the other, equally and fully facing each other.

"Will Lucien be joining us this evening?" I kept my voice steady and clear, making sure to not even give away a single tremor.

He sat silently for a few moments, his eyes roving me over, making my skin crawl before he finally leaned back, signaling more servants to come rushing in with tray after tray of delicious smelling food.

"No, he was called out tonight. It's just you and me." His voice had a lilt to it that made me suspicious. I could tell he was trying to wave something away and make it sound unimportant but I swear Lucien indicated earlier that he would be here. What happened?

I sat back as well, folding my hands in my lap, clutching them tightly as I considered my next form of words. But he beat me to the punch.

"I am going to get straight to the point here Feyre. There are a few things that need to be approached at once before I can even sit here and chat with you idly about worthless subjects." I was taken aback immediately. Did he just mean that Lucien was worthless? Or was he simply implying that anything other than what he was about to say was worthless? Furthermore, this was not going to be easy. I could already tell it was going to be even more treacherous than anticipated.

"First and foremost; what transpired the last several months never occurred. I can see you are obviously very shaken up over it and will do my best to avoid the subject of what happened while you were with him." Him. He couldn't even say his name. The disgust was too strong.

"No." I said it abruptly. He stopped just as he opened his mouth to continue on. His eyes narrowed and I could tell he was preparing for what happened last time.

"I want to talk about it with you, Tamlin... How will I heal if I don't? Besides, I think I have useful information that will help the Spring Court." My voice was as serious sounding as I could make it, and I was really hoping that my outfit was helping my cause by making me seem as demanding as I looked. I was no longer going to be bossed around and he had to realize that. But I also had to make it so I could pretend I was feeding them information so I could begin to get my own back.

His eyes flashed for a moment and I saw confusion or maybe even shock come over his face. I internally had to keep myself from grinning wickedly. "I see..." He began to pick at his food with his fork, contemplatively. I waited with baited breath. "If you feel that talking to me about what transpired with him will help you move on and heal then I cannot refuse. But..." His voice cracked and now I was the one confused.

"Feyre... you will have to tell me slowly. I can only handle so much and I am worried that if you were to tell me certain..." He paused. "Things, I might go into another rage and I don't want you getting hurt again." At this point his shoulders had slumped and he was looking downward.

'Good.' I internally told myself. I didn't even feel the slightest remorse. 'Feel like shit about it you ignorant ass.' I knew it was harsh but he would never get sympathy for locking me up in here. For treating me as some pet. For ignoring my pleas and multiple attempts at kidnapping me and harming my mate.

My face told an entirely different story, though. I pretended that I was shocked at his openness and I leaned forward with a look of complete and utter sympathy on my face, practically cooing him. "Of course... it will be difficult for me as well. Why don't we just take it one step at a time?"

He nodded slowly, still pushing the food on his plate around before straightening up. "The second course of business is no better. The king will be here before the week is out and ..." He looked up at me for a moment then stopped mid-sentence. I stared back at him, my eyebrows furrowing with confusion. Was there something on my face? I quickly snatched my napkin to dab at my mouth but Tamlin suddenly lurched up, his chair falling back as he walked quickly towards me. I stood up in turn as well, my eyes widening. What was wrong... did I do something I shouldn't have? Was he going to hit me again? I began to step backwards as he got within reaching distance, my heart pounding in my chest, worried that everything was about to fall apart. But he reached out and grabbed me by my chin gently. I suddenly felt as if I was going to puke, my body recoiling from his touch but he held firm.

"I am so sorry... I completely forgot and... I can see it under the make up." His voice sounded as if it was in terror. As if he were looking at the most hideous beast he had ever laid his eyes upon. Everything suddenly clicked into place. The bruise! I had forgotten as well... the new handmaiden hadn't even acted as if she noticed so I didn't even think and she didn't let me look in the mirror before the cosmetics were all applied. It wasn't even sore anymore. I guess it must have been showing through in the lighting.

Suddenly I was swept into his arms, his arms wrapped around me so tightly. The panic began to set in and I tried to pull away gently but he didn't notice. "I wasn't myself that day... after seeing you and him together and the way you fought side by side... he was going to take you from me again. So when we got back and you refused to bed with me I felt that a part of you still loved him but... I know now that it's ridiculous. I felt the bond break. I saw his pain and yours. Feyre I am so sorry... I never thought I would become like this. I feel almost every day I am becoming more and more the vision of my father..."

I grit my teeth and tried to take deep breaths to keep from screaming and wrestling away from his hold. First off I was going to be partially honest. Because no matter what his excuses were, no matter what his situation was at the time, it was not and never would be okay. And he would never do that to me again unless he wished for his own death, infiltrating the Spring Court or not.

"What you did was wrong. I can see that you see that. But I won't be able to forgive you for it for a long time." He stiffened in my arms and began to pull back. Thank cauldron. I continued as he pulled away to look down at me, his hands on my shoulders making me grit my teeth.

"And since everything I have gone through, to have the person I love do that to me, did not help me get through these past few nights without questioning things." His nostrils flared and his eyes darkened. "But I know you are not your father Tamlin. You could be so much better. So, as retribution I demand, for the time being, that you allow me to have my own room and privacy until I feel comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed as you." Yes. This is why I let him hold me a little longer. This is why a part of me was happy to see him feel so badly for what he had done. Guilt can make people do things.

He stared at me for a moment, and a flicker of fear emerged just before he sighed and dropped his hold on me. "You are right... of course you can have your old chambers back. Take all the time you need. We have eternity." I felt a warmth of gratitude to whatever might be watching over me. That was close. I nodded at him and smiled, before straightening the invisible wrinkles in the skirt of my dress as he stepped back to his seat and sat back down. He looked drained and tired as if he hadn't slept in days. Again, good riddance. The more he was wore down the more I could make him slip up.

"Anyways... you were saying the King of Hybern is visiting? So soon?"

It looked as if it took a lot of effort to get back on track, and I could see him eyeing the bruise and wincing every time. Again, it was hard not to grin wickedly.

"Uh, yes. He and Julian will be visiting so we can begin to discuss his infiltration of the continent..." He was back to looking angry. I knew he didn't want to allow Hybern in through his territory, but his greed and over protectiveness destroyed him. And it was already beginning to show.

I nodded encouragingly, "I don't want to see them... or furthermore comply with them. But it seems a bargain was struck so I will do my best to go as smoothly with it as possible to get them out of the Spring Courts hair." Lies. Lies, and more lies. He looked relieved and ate for a while longer. I joined him finally, not really tasting anything. Nothing tasted as good as the food I had had with Rhys and the rest of the crew. It wasn't as bad as human food, but my once rumbling stomach was not very satisfied.

"Was there anything else?" I asked it quietly, trying to come off as timid. He wiped his mouth as any fine-mannered High Lord would and sighed.

"I am sending out a regiment of my finest men, along with many of the Kings soldiers to find the High Lord of the Night Court and have him destroyed once and for all."

I stopped mid-bite and slowly set my fork down, making sure to keep my eyes on my plate. Be calm.. don't give yourself away. You have to find out what he will be doing exactly, where, how many, when... I finally looked up and I could see him assessing me once again.

"It will help you heal Feyre... knowing he is no longer on this earth will make you feel safer. You will never have to worry about him taking you away again." He wasn't the one I was afraid of taking me away... that person had already accomplished that goal. And it was up to me to destroy him.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

 _I've Had Enough_

I feigned emotional exhaustion but in reality I had to get out of that room with the one person on this planet that I could only handle so much of without my powers wanting to break from beneath my skin like a tidal wave... or a tsunami... which was sadly a very likely possibility if it were to actually come free. And to be honest with myself, a rather large part of me was fine with that alternative. I felt like a storm roiling on the borders of an entire country that was filled with people who deserved death more than anyone. But I had to wait. I had to wait for the right moment. If I killed Tamlin, then everyone in the estate would die. And I couldn't kill Lucien or Emissa. Or any of the other beings in this mansion. But I would kill The King. And Julian. And Tamlin. And whosoever else got in the way of harming my mate, my friends, and my sisters.

Therefore, for at least a little while longer, I had to keep myself pinned down in this abhorrent situation. Pretend to be the weak little human girl I was once so long ago. If Tamlin decided to hit me again, I couldn't let it show that I could assimilate him within less than a millisecond. No. That would be too easy and nowhere near satisfactory enough for me to allow him to die in such a way. I had to get creative with his punishment. Same with the King and Julian and all of Hybern.

As Tamlin eyed me as I graciously swept from the room, apologizing for being so tired, I could feel thunder crackling in my veins. This was just the beginning.

…

I laid in my bed, feeling sick to my stomach. And the more sick I got from the memories that embedded themselves within this chamber, it made me more and more angry. Everywhere I looked, I could feel his hands all over me. There was not a single place in this room we didn't fuck that now felt like a poisoned spot. The blankets that were once so soft were making my skin itch and I unknowingly scratched my arms and legs to the point in which they were beginning to turn red and raw. I didn't even think that while I fought so hard for my own bedroom to be free of Tamlin, that in doing so, Tamlin was almost as present as he would be if he were standing in front of me right now.

I left my candle lit as Lucien instructed. I wanted to blow it out so maybe the darkness would make me forget where I was so I could at least get a little sleep before the morning light peeked through the curtains but I knew as soon as the darkness crept in that I would have a redheaded fae breaking down the door with some false sense of urgency for Tamlin to attend and he would find me there with black circles under my eyes. And then if I ever really did need his assistance he wouldn't come when the moment was real. No. I had to face my demons. And I did... sort of.

I ended up covering my head with a pillow and pretended that I was in my room in Velaris, while Rhys was out with Cassian doing training drills on the roof.

It didn't work. It just made my heart ache and my stomach clench. It made me more aware of where I was now and where I could be if everything hadn't gone to pure shit. And it was all his fault. He had to be so greedy and so selfish that he not only took me down with him, but the entire continent. Millions of innocent lives were now at risk of falling into the grubby hands of that King and his returned-to-life Julian. Julian reminded me a lot of Tamlin in ways. Which made it even worse since someone out there who had somewhat of the same experiences as me was now in danger as I was now. If not, worse.

I got about a half hour of sleep before someone was knocking on my door. I shot up, my eyes snapping open as the doorknob jiggled.

"Who is it."

I was too tired and wrung out for even feign a curious tone in my voice.

"It's me..." My fists clenched the blankets as Tamlin's voice made a shot of adrenaline rush through me. The kind of adrenaline where your body is prepping you to run like injured prey. "I was wondering... if you would like to go for a ride with me."

I stared at the door as if I were looking through glass. I am sure he had that pathetic expression on his face much like that of a puppy with it's tail between it's legs, begging to be forgiven. I used to think it was sweet, showing his rare soft side to me but now it made me want to set the door on fire.

My pause had him continuing, the plea in his voice still just as steady.

"No guards, I promise. Just you and me."

Still not answering, I slid off the bed, tugging my nightgown over my body, thanking the cauldron that there were actual things in my closet that weren't just made of lace and bits of string. I stepped toward the door and unlocked it, still feeling a cold shudder rise over my skin as his beautiful face came into view. He was leaning on the doorway, and straightened up as the door opened wide. I could see him already running his eyes over me, checking for some invisible wound. The only one he would find would be the bruise that was now much more visible with the make up from last night having been washed off.

"Where is Ianthe."

I wasn't going to play the same games. The ones where he would try to bandage my emotions by making me think he cared by taking the time out of his day for me as he used to. Acting as if he were giving me some great gift that I deserved for being so good and pathetically lonely that my survival relied on him giving me his personal time. No. I could not care less. I would be fine if I never saw his face until the day of his execution.

He straightened and pushed past me into my room, making my heart jump. He was in my personal space now and he acted as if what he had done never occurred and this was how it will always be as it always was. I had no personal space. This was his space that I was occupying.

A growl escaped from me as I turned, leaving the door open, refusing to shut it as he faced me with his arms crossed looking at me as if I were some knot he needed to figure out how to loosen.

"I don't know. She ran off not long after everything that happened. I don't wish to know either. She was a conniving witch." He averted his gaze. Something happened between them that he wasn't telling me. I could feel a sense of smugness arise.

"Oh NOW she is a bad person? It took you that long to realize? Well... at least you came to your senses about that I suppose." I didn't push him into telling me what exactly happened. Not yet.

He scowled at my condescension and began to step towards me. I knew he intended to shut the door for more privacy. I stepped out into the hall and turned away heading down the corridor before it could come to that. "I don't want to go out for a ride today. I think I will be painting the entire day so go enjoy your free time and I will enjoy mine."

I could hear a snarl just before I was suddenly pressed against the wall, my ears ringing as my powers began to raise their hackles in self defense. His face was in mine and my fangs were bared along with his before a second could even pass.

"Why do you refuse me still, Feyre. How can we move on if you refuse to even be alone with me for more than a few minutes. I could tell that last night was painful for you. I can see the underlying hatred in your eyes. What did he DO to you to make you still so distrustful towards me?" His breath was hot on my face and I surged to snap at him but he held me back by my shoulders.

"It's NOTHING! I just need to be alone to heal. I am sick of fae males at the moment, and your being so keen to get under the covers with me after you know very well what transpired for those long months. How can you be so ignorant towards what happened to me just so you can get off? Just so you can have me as you once had me? It won't be so easy and you somehow don't seem to get it!" I began to tremble. But not with fear this time. Anger. I wanted to tell him more. I wanted to show him what he did. I wanted to slither into his mind and show him everything he made me feel. Every emotion every scene that has been seared into my memories for all eternity. The nightmares. The loneliness. The terror when I realized I could not escape the place I once thought of as my own home. But no. He couldn't know just yet, so I had to reign in that anger and turn it into some petty whine display of how he isn't being empathetic enough.

His eyes held contact with mine and for a split second I swore he could see my thoughts I kept buried deep inside. Suddenly he let me go, backing away to the opposite wall, his chest heaving. The darkness inside me began to wind itself back up like some sleeping beast grumbling from being awakened from it's slumber for a moment before rolling back over and passing back out.

"I know... I know, Feyre. It's just... I have been wanting you back for so long and so many things have happened and..." His face was buried in his trembling hands now and I watched him as a predator watches it's prey attempt to escape. "I need you, Feyre... I hungered for you for so long and so much anger has been plaguing me at the inescapable thoughts of what he had been doing to you. And when I found out that he had altered your mind and that he was your... m-mate..."

He suddenly stopped shaking, and I felt that same pressure in the hallway as that I had felt when the entire room around us and all of it's contents were incinerated. Where I didn't even know what powers I held within me but they protected me with some kind of shield I now knew I inherited from the day court. Would the same thing happen again now? Would his anger be so strong that releasing it's fury was more important than my own safety?

I pressed myself against the wall, preparing the shield in my mind as he raised his head from his hands. A darkness there that sent a thrill of terror through me. "I loathe him for what he took from me. And for that he will pay." He straightened himself up once again and walked away without so much as a backward glance. His last words being "Ready yourself. The King arrives in a couple days."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

 _Something Unexpected_

I had ended up wandering back into my room with a sort of pulsing deliriousness resonating through me as I began to mechanically get changed into something other than my nightgown. There was something in Tamlin's eyes that terrified me. A desperation that way beyond what I already thought he had achieved. And a weariness. The kind of exhaustion a wild animal would have on the brink of starvation. Where they wouldn't stop hunting until they had caught something or until they heaved their last breath.

It rattled me to the core. Something was going on other than what I already was aware of or suspicious of. What exactly had gone on while I had been away? Something was off. Not just with Tamlin but with this entire household. It was almost as if everyone, even the walls themselves were holding their breath, lying in wait for something. And not something as whimsical as a grand wedding for their High Lord, or even the oncoming Hybern armies. No. I could feel the stares when I walked past, drilling into the back of my skull. A desperation of some sort. There was some other part to play in store for me, but I didn't know what it was and I was afraid to find out.

The chill kept creeping over my spine long after I stepped back out of my chambers with a flowing long dress made of soft, thin fabric that had one strap of fabric going across one of my shoulders to hold it in place. It was a pale blue and clung a little more to my skin to show my entire physique more than I liked, but the only reason I decided to wear it was to show Tamlin how much I had filled out since I had been here last. Not only had I gained my healthy weight back but I was toned and much more fit thank the gods for Cassian's training. I intended to keep up with it while I was here, and no one would stop me unless they planned on throwing me back in that dungeon down the stairs. But I would hold off on that for one more day. Especially since Tamlin seemed almost to a breaking point this morning. I didn't want to be in his way any more than I had to today in hopes of him calming down a bit more by tomorrow.

I padded down the hallway and into the room that Tamlin had not seemed to have touched out of all the rooms. Everything was covered with sheets to keep the dust off of my paintings. For that I didn't know if I felt a small pang of gratitude or disgust at how he acted as if I would return to uncover them once again. Sadly, he was not wrong,

He must have known I would be coming in here today, for there, on a small table off to the side that had not been there before, was a brand new container opened to reveal a beautiful and extravagant set of paints in all hues, some that I had not even seen before I had been taken. I ran my fingers across the tops of the bottles and noted the new brushes of all shapes and sizes that lied in wait at the bottom of the box as well.

Without a seconds hesitation, I tore the sheet off of my blank canvases and pulled up my chair, setting to work on my piece without any other thought in mind than the image splayed out in my head. I wasn't going to paint another stupid garden, or one of the thousands of types of flowers that were already splattered across the other canvases still hidden under the other sheets. No. I drew to life a memory that Tamlin would never know other than the image I put forth. I painted Velaris. But not the skyline, not the beautiful buildings and the way the sun shined on the brightly colored roofs during midday. Nor did I draw the beautiful lights at night, one of the millions of areas I could have brought to life with nights and lamps beautiful colors.

I painted the scene that would forever scar and sear beneath my eyelids before I fell asleep at night. I painted the cursed stony demons that fell from the sky, the human Queen in the background pierced upon a pyre, her hair falling back in the wind. The color of the sky that day, and wings, far off in the distance. If Tamlin ever looked at the painting, along with the ones I will be doing from here on out until the day of him and his courts demise, he would see what he had done. What his choices helped aid. The lives that were lost.

…..

I was in there until the evening. Painting with such a fervor that I only left the room to relieve myself or get water. A servant had come in a couple times to bring in a plate of fresh fruit and cheeses, the second time with hot tea and different cold cuts with bread. I snacked on them as I worked away tirelessly, but I did not stop until it was done. And it turned out far different than I had thought it would. The metaphors were stronger in this. The blacks and the reds were darker making it look like something out of a nightmare. Which it was. I had gotten paint on my dress, and I was pretty sure there was some smeared on my forehead from brushing stray hairs from my face during the day. But I felt better. Like I let off a little steam. But I wanted to do more. Knowing that I could not stay in there forever, I decided I would come back for a little while tomorrow. But I needed to figure out and plan what to do when the King arrived. And I needed to have Tamlin feeling more caring towards me before his arrival.

As I stepped out and turned to head towards the stairs, a familiar figure was leaning against the opposite wall, a hand on his hip with a smirk on his lips. Lucien. His golden eye whirred as it focused on me, and I noticed that his hair was mussed from what must have been from a day out riding. Probably doing patrols.

I stood and faced him, crossing my arms, refusing to say the first word. He straightened up and took a step towards me. "I want to make a deal with you."

My head was already cocked to the side before I could even fully grasp what he was saying. But he didn't stop there. "I will answer one question in exchange you answer one of mine. Both of us must speak truthfully."

I gawked at him. Was he serious? "How do I know that whatever I say won't be reaching Tamlin's ears?"

"I swear upon the few things left that I hold dear. Please, Feyre. This is more for me than it is for you so you should probably take advantage while you can." He reached up and swiped his hair out of his eyes, his gaze now facing downward almost in shame. "I am desperate."

I couldn't believe I was falling for this, but I had a strong suspicion what it was about and if it was what I think it is, then there would be no way he would tell Tamlin of this discussion. I sighed. "Fine. You go first."

He nodded and struck the nail dead on, confirming my suspicions. "Is she safe?"

"Of course she is safe!" I snapped. "If she wasn't do you really think that I would be acting as I am now? She is my sister, Lucien. I can give you my word, there is nowhere on this continent that she would be safer. Especially in comparison to you."

His shoulders sagged with relief as soon as the words left my mouth and I swear he almost collapsed to the floor. I understood. He was keeping his composure a lot better than I had expected. I still hated the idea of my sister ever having anything to do with him, and the thought of being tied to him as a mate made me want to go on a rampage, but it wasn't so much to do with him as it had to do with Tamlin. I could never allow them to be together if Lucien still aligned himself with the High Lord of Spring.

I waited to see if he had any more to say on the subject, but he was true to his word that it would be just one question. Therefore, mine would have to be good to where it would help me the most.

"My turn." He tensed, readying himself as if he were about to come to blows, but nodded.

"What happened while I was away?"

He growled and glared at me. "Come on, Feyre. That is far too vague of a question for a short answer."

I just crossed my arms and stared at him expectantly. He sighed and looked towards the open end of the hall as if he were afraid somebody could be listening. "Fine, but not here." He began storming towards the section of the mansion where his room was. I had only been in here once and it looked exactly the same when we stepped inside. The only thing that hadn't been destroyed or scarred. I didn't know exactly how that made me feel. Worse, I think, because it made it seem like the last month after my departure never happened. Like it was some dream I had and I was awake now. Back here. Trapped again.

I went and sat on his bed as he stepped over to his old desk, pushing things to the side as he grabbed the chair and turned it to face me. His face was solemn, as if he were carrying some terrible weight. Which was nothing new.

He sat down, and threw off his scabbard, letting the sword and holster clatter to the floor. I watched warily, wondering how much had happened to him and when it would ever break him.

"You won't like what I am about to tell you. And if Tamlin were to find out that you knew, he would kill me. And I am not over exaggerating when I say that, Feyre. You cannot let him know that I told you. If he even suspects... " His face began to pale and turn a chalky color as some unknown image passed over his eyes.

"I won't tell him, Lucien... you know that. I give you my word."

He watched me for a moment, and I held eye contact as he assessed me before grunting an approval and leaned forward in his chair. I suddenly felt very, very afraid. The kind of terror you feel when there is a noise at night when you are a child, lying in bed, and that noise suddenly confirms all your nightmares have come true. So you lie in wait for your oncoming death at the clawed hands of some horrible beast. Maybe I didn't want to know what happened... Lucien's face.. there was something wrong.

"Do you remember... the rite? The one we have every year where Tamlin renews his powers to harness and govern the entire Spring Court?" I swallowed and slowly nodded. I wasn't here for it this last time. I wondered who the terribly unlucky woman was who had bedded him this years solstice.

Lucien watched me as I nodded and shook his head, as if he couldn't believe what he was even saying. "Tamlin... he didn't finish it this year."

I stood up abruptly, my eyes widening. "What?!" Was that even possible?

Lucien suddenly looked very tired. "He couldn't find someone to bed... he only wanted you. But you weren't here. It was right after I found you in the woods with Rhysand... He was so desperate to get you back. But right before the celebration he was almost going mad... and I think it was because he knew. He knew he wouldn't be able to perform it without you."

I backed away now, my chest heaving. That was why they were so fervently hunting me... why he must have made that deal with the King of Hybern... why couldn't he have performed it with someone else? What the hell was going on? Was he really that cauldron-bent on getting me back that he got it into his head that I really was the only one intended for him? I could feel my breaths coming in short, quick gasps now. Lucien stood up and stepped forward almost as if to comfort me, then stopped short.

"The Spring Court is a mess, Feyre. We don't have our renewed magic, and without it, Tamlin is getting weaker. It's harder for him to change. His powers are waning. We needed you back."

I suddenly broke in, my eyes wild. "Needed me back for what? So I could save the entire Spring Court by fucking Tamlin? You said it yourself! It's too late! What the hell do you expect from me now?"

Lucien turned away suddenly, acting as if he couldn't bear to see my reaction from his next words. "There is a way we found out how to fix it... we found an ancient text. We can hold another Rite of sorts... but Tamlin won't do it without you. Just like last time."

My fear faded, only to be replaced by pure and utter terror. No. Please...


End file.
